They say ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’. That’s true but not entirely.
When angry, Kenyan girlfriends do some pretty crazy things, sometimes these things make us smile in our hearts because of how cute they are.
Here are some of them:
1. She’ll send you a text message that’s longer than the Kenyan constitution.
And while you are there busy trying to respond to her, she’ll hit you with another 1,000 word message. Then another one. And another again. Until you have enough messages to fill a novel. Because ever since the inception of the traditional typewriter, no one can type faster than a woman who is fuming.
If you add salt to injury by sleeping before the two of you reconcile, you will wake up in the morning, to see countless text messages. In just one night, she’ll dump you, get back together, dump you again, get back together again. Jesus!!!
2. She’ll give you the silent treatment.
Sometimes your girlfriend will just decide to go mute on you and then you’ll keep asking her, “What’s wrong sweety?” Until she detonates like some nuclear bomb and pours all her fury on you.
3. She’ll just keep looking at you when you are with her.
Most of the time, you’ll just catch her looking at you in a strange manner as millions of thoughts run through her head. But when you look straight at her, she looks away. Then when you go back to your business, she starts looking at you again.
4. She’ll bring up the bad stuff you did from back in the day.
When angry, your girlfriend will bring up really ancient stuff you did when Moi was president and Ja Rule had a hit song. Women are like Wikipedia, they know and remember each and every detail from your past.
5. She’ll yell at you.
In fact, she’ll do it so loudly you’d think she’s Mourinho and you are Mkhitaryan after missing a clear cut chance in front of goal. And don’t even dare to calm her down. She’ll turn up the volume.
6. She’ll break your stuff.
Ironically though, a woman never breaks something she bought in your house, perhaps doing so is not as fulfilling as smashing something you spent half of your salo to buy.
7. And then she might just storm out of your house like a rugby player heading to the touchline.
And she won’t forget to slam the door behind her. Because when she slams the damn door she’ll feel really empowered.
8. She’ll unfriend you from Facebook, block you on WhatsApp, Instagram etc.
And when you’ve reconciled and you’re finally back on good terms again, she’ll re-add you and unblock you.
9. She’ll make you really beg when you’re trying to reconcile with her.
She might be missing you and badly want the two of you to reconcile but she will make sure you work for it. No getting back easy.